Life is funny......

I am back at work today and feeling OK. I have dizzy spells from time to time but they never last more than a moment and are not all that bad. My mouth feels awful and tastes awful and if I breathe on you and it stinks then I apologize for the dragon breath. I think I have a small case of "thrush" mouth so I guess I will try the magic mouthwash to see if it will help. Other than that I am doing pretty well. I go back on Monday and hope that the white blood cells won't be too low. If they are borderline then I believe I talked the doc into letting my body try to do its thing. If they are way low then I will have no choice but to take the shot as infection could be bad. The Onc nurse told me the other day that a cold in an oncology patient could quickly turn into pneumonia! Wow, I never knew. So another day is gone and soon it will be time for another treatment and then another and then I will be done!! Woohooo!!!
I love to watch people. It is one of my most favorite things to do. I studied psychology in college and grad school and I find people fascinating! They are so complex in their simplicity! Or simplistic in their complexity - whichever way you prefer! If you've never watched people then go to a mall, or the airport, or any large venue where you can just sit and watch people. And not to make fun of them but to just watch them in their day to day. Highly entertaining!
Basic needs aside we as humans can be quite interesting. And frustrating. I guess I never thought that when I was diagnosed with cancer that some folks would act so different toward me and others would just take it in stride and treat me exactly the same. I never thought that some people would be so sure that they knew what was best for me even though they had never gone through what I am facing. Its funny how well meaning some people are and how they think that they are helping when actually they aren't helping at all. No one knows how one will feel until they are faced with the unknown. You've heard about walking in another one's shoes. Never has it ever been so true to me more than it is now. I remember that when I first told my brother-in-law's wife that I had cancer her reaction was, "Oh well, that's really nothing to worry about anymore. They cure 99% of those now, don't they?" I just smiled and went along with it and then moved on. But it amazed me that she actually could say that to me. She presumed to know what it was like to have cancer and yet never has. I wanted to tell her, "Take a walk in my shoes."
And some things I have read that people say to others with cancer - "How's that cancer coming?" Amazing. Now I know its very kind for people to try to "Pep" us (this is the royal cancer "us", I guess) up and make us feel as though the road is doable and will be over before we know it. And I must say that I do really appreciate when people give me those pep talks because I do need them from time to time. But sometimes its OK to say nothing at all. Sometimes its OK to say, "I don't know what to say to you. I feel for you and what you are going through but I don't know what to say."
And people should not presume to know what's best for me and my body. This was my decision. It wasn't even my husband's decision although I did listen to him and took what he said into consideration. But ultimately the decision was ALL MINE. And right or wrong I am living with it. And I know that people that love me don't like to see me suffer. And trust me, I ain't all that happy about suffering either. But it is my life and my decision and I just don't want people to presume to know what's best for me until those same people take a walk in my shoes.