Repeating myself

I have read back through here and realized that I keep repeating myself. CHEMOBRAIN!!! Sorry about that.
Everyone knows when a person has a life changing experience that they re-consider their lives. I am in this process. It is a shame that it takes going through something like cancer to make one re-evaluate what is important but sometimes we are very hard-headed. I know I am.
So I was sitting outside last night, watching my dogs play together, and I started contemplating everything that has happened over the last year. I have been faced with a disease that used to be a death sentence. Thankfully, this is not the case anymore. However, it still has made me take a long look at what I think is important in this life. It has also made me wonder if I can keep this feeling. How does one prevent slipping back into the mundane everyday stuff that bogs us down? How do you keep the feeling that you will remember to "enjoy today as if it is the last day" and not get bogged down into life and all its "stuff"?
When I decided to have chemo I knew that the decision could very well be the end of me. I mean that deliberately putting poison in your body isn't very smart. I know what chemo does and how it can prolong lives but at what cost in the long run? So, I'm talking to my husband (who is seriously one of the smartest people I know - smart about life) and I finally realized that putting chemo in my body is for my peace of mind for today. Because really no one told me that I would have any more time on this earth than today. And actually not even today - but rather right now at this very moment. This moment is all I have. I can hope and wish for more moments but I really only have this moment. So what can I do in this moment to give my life meaning? What can I say - in this moment - that will make someone feel better about themselves and their life? What can I read in this moment that will make me use my brain and leave this earth smarter than I was? Its all so overwhelming!
I have vowed to live my life in a happier way. I have said that I will enjoy something about every day just in case its the last day. Because nobody knows. My brother-in-law didn't know that would be his last day. If he had have known what would he have done differently?
But even more than vowing to enjoy my life every day - how do I retain this feeling when, in five years, the doctor tells me "You're cured! No more cancer!". How do I keep from slipping back into the old ways?
Someone will invariably bring up faith. And I agree. One has to have faith. But just having faith doesn't mean that you will be promised anymore than anyone who doesn't have faith. I have very strong faith but my faith still doesn't guarantee me another moment.
Something to chew on for the day.........