A little bit of Anxiety among friends

Do you know who you are? And I don't mean the "I am Wendy Smith, a wife, step-mother, daughter, IT Specialist, college graduate, etc, etc, etc......" I mean deeper than that. Don't worry if you don't. I don't either. And its OK. The greater feat is to be OK with not knowing. Uncertainty is almost always uncomfortable. But if you can be OK with not knowing who you are at a deeper level than the labels in the above sentence then you are on the path to awareness. The awareness of the BEING-NESS of all things. Think about that one for a while.
I went for my second 3 month cancer checkup this past Tuesday. For some reason I had to wait for almost an hour in the room until the doctor could see me to give me my test results. I asked him after we had gone through everything if the anxiety of these visits ever goes away. He said no. He said the anxiety will diminish with each passing visit that one is told that they appear to still be cancer free but it will never totally go away. For some reason I was more anxious this time than last. I guess I figured that perhaps there would still be some chemo in my body last time and that would inhibit any growth (if there is anything left growing). But this time I was more anxious for a couple of reasons. First, with my cancer which was more aggressive the first 2 years are critical. After the first 2 years and with each year after that the odds continue to go way down that it will recur. But during those first 2 years there is a pretty high incidence of recurrence. So holding my breath for 2 years doesn't sound like much fun but I guess I will just have to not worry about it. Easier said than done. Also, the waiting was killing me. In my mind I could see the doctor reading my test results and trying to figure out the best way to tell me that "it" had come back. But, thankfully, all is well once again and he wants to push our next meeting out to 4 months instead of the usual 3. OK by me. But those moments before you get your results are tense ones. Even if you decide in your mind that worrying is a waste of time - you still can't help but worry a little. And this time - I just had a strange feeling. Good to know that it was all in my head.
All is well in my life. I have started doing things on my "Bucket List" and can cross off visiting the big City of New York. We went to see my sister, Margie, in New Jersey and then went over to the City. We enjoyed it very much and got to see lots of sites. Next up - white water rafting and skydiving.....I hope. Everyone should have a list of things they want to do and DO THEM. Don't wait because you are not guaranteed another day. Enjoy this day to its maximum - even if its only hugging the one you love.