Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Self Fulfilling Prophecy


I’ve often wondered, as many of us have, what caused me to get cancer?  And then, what caused me to get it again?  I wondered if women that had cancer and then immediately moved on from it and were able to put it out of their minds ever had to deal with it again? 
The first time I was diagnosed I took it in stride.  “Ok, this happens to some folks but I will beat it and not have to worry about it again.  After all, the odds are in my favor.”  And then after treatment I waffled.  “Maybe it will come back?  What’s that pain?  Was it there yesterday?   My hip hurts now….I must have bone mets!”  And on and on.  And then after a while cancer left my mind….slowly but surely.  The farther out from diagnosis I got the better I felt.  “OK, that was my bump in the road but all is good now.”
And then….BAM!  Again…diagnosed again!  And now, even though treatment is over I still think about cancer all day, every day.
I believe that God hears all prayers.  I believe that God doesn’t MAKE bad things happen.  I believe that because God gave us free will that he ALLOWS bad things to happen.  I believe in miracles.  I have faith but I also know that bad things happen to good people.
So, is my cancer a self-fulfilling prophecy?  I had, for years, said that I thought breast cancer was such an epidemic that I knew I would get it sooner or later.  Did I wish it on myself?  And then, because I thought of it so often after the first diagnosis, did I bring it on myself again?  And now, that I am thinking about it all the time again, will it come back again?  Am I completing a self-fulfilling prophecy?
I’d be interested to know how many women that survived their cancer and kept going and put cancer out of their mind….how many still were diagnosed again?  Does a PMA (positive mental attitude) help anything?  The brain is a powerful organ.  Can it keep you safe?  Or can it help you suffer?  Musings of a crazy lady.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Support groups

I just spoke with a woman about attending a BC support group.  Their next meeting will be August 6th.  I'm pretty sure I will attend as I think I need it alot.  I hope it helps.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Canceritis


Signs that you may have CANCERITIS

Cancer-what?  Canceritis. You may have finished your cancer treatment. You may be one day out from your diagnosis, or ten years out. If you are a cancer survivor, chances are you will have Canceritis at some point.  It’s common, it won’t be the end of you, but it plays with you and chips away at your peace of mind. No fun! Canceritis is an inflated fear of cancer recurrence.
Let me ask these questions to help you figure out if you are among the masses of survivors who has experienced Canceritis.
Do you worry that every pain you experience now is a sign that the cancer has returned?  Do you wonder if every headache is a sign that the cancer has metastasized to your brain? Even though odds are you have a regular, run-of the mill headache, which by the way, may be more pronounced because of your anxiety (Canceritis).
Do you suffer from “white coat syndrome” every time you have a follow-up with your oncologist?  White coat syndrome is hypertension (elevated blood pressure) caused by anxiety about needing to see your doctor even though you have been fine, and you have no concerns to discuss.  You still can’t help but worry you may be about to hear that the cancer has returned.
Canceritis is real, whether the cancer is or not. It’s driven by genuine fear (rational or irrational) of recurrence. Dr. Jeff Kane, MD has written about Canceritis in his blog, Healthcare As Though People Mattered. Dr. Kane states, “Cancer bedevils everyone who’s had it, and it seems to be permanent.  Sure, every time it happens you get a little more used to it, so a little less anxious, but it persists anyway …  This invisible little mischief-maker rides constantly on your shoulder.”  
There is no clinical diagnosis code for Canceritis, but if you have it you will know it!  Let’s talk about ways to outsmart this demon.

How to quiet Canceritis
Avoid emotional frenzies.  Find and use strategies to manage your anxiety (e.g., meditation, guided imagery, exercise, counseling). When you’re in your doctor’s office and you can just feel your blood pressure rise when the nurse takes out the cuff, take slow, deep breaths. Now picture yourself somewhere you’d rather be.
Recognize your distorted thoughts. Learn how to work with these thoughts so that they don’t get the best of you. Jumping to conclusions is a common cognitive distortion for us.  Dr. David Burns, the author of The Feeling Good Handbook, describes this distortion as “making a negative interpretation even though there are no definitive facts that convincingly support this conclusion.”  Tell yourself, “I have absolutely no facts to make sense of this scary assumption.” Ask yourself, “Really, do I need the added aggravation of banking on what I don’t know if it’s just going to put me in a head spin?” It might help to just focus on the moment. Was your last report good? Ok, celebrate in this milestone that’s yours right now.
Find people to talk to.  Maybe join a support group (in-person or online) or call a cancer hotline and speak with a trained volunteer who’s seen this, heard this, maybe even been there.  Holding it in and letting the thoughts spin inside your head will only heighten your anxiety.  Some counselors actually specialize in psycho-oncology. You may find someone in your area through the International Psycho-Oncology Society http://www.ipos-society.org/about/contact_us.aspx. If they can’t find a practitioner near you, they can provide short-term, over-the-phone counseling at no charge.
Track your symptoms and concerns. By taking this step you will have documentation and facts to share with your doctor.  While there is an excellent chance you’re experiencing a flare-up of Canceritis, it’s important to bear in mind that your symptoms may be a sign that there really is a cancer-related problem. So while you should try not to let these concerns highjack your peace of mind, please do have them investigated. 
Canceritis is a “light-hearted” reference to very real anxiety, it can range from distressing to crippling.  But suffering is optional.
Feeling scared is a normal reaction when you think that cancer may have returned. But how you deal with your thoughts, feelings and responses to that fear IS in your control.
Put Dr. Google aside and run any concerns by your doctor.  Until a medical professional gives you the all-clear, you are just guessing.  If you’re not feeling your best, hopefully you will find it’s just Canceritis paying a call. And you can put it to bed—let your mind rest.

Sources:
Burns, David D., MD. 1989. The Feeling Good Handbook. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc.
Canceritis, by Jeff Kane, M.D.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Pathology Report

So, I was re-reading my pathology report and saw that I had not 1 but 2 tumors!  Why did no one tell me this?  Although Tom says he thinks he knew.....?  I must have been high....lol.....because I don't remember anyone telling me this.  The first tumor I knew about.  It was 3.2 cm and was just under the nipple and was also in the dermis.  The second tumor was deeper.  It was 1.5 cm and was on the skeletal muscle.  Now I have so many questions?
When any tumor is removed they try to get what are called "margins" around the tumor and these margins need to be disease free.  If they get "clear margins" then one is supposed to think that they are safe.  The first time I got cancer the surgeon's path report showed clear margins.  And this time the clear margins were supposed to come from the fact that all the breast tissue was removed.  But how does one ensure clear margins when the tumor sits on the muscle?  They didn't remove the muscle as far as I can see/feel.
I have requested the surgical operative report so I can see what exactly he did in there.  But I was already freaked out enough.  This information has not helped at all.
Sigh......I hate cancer and everything that it has taken from me.  I am becoming a different person and I don't like me very much now.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Sisterhood of Pink

I have read that many women that have had breast cancer do not like pink or anything associated with it.  They think that the pink has grown into just another way to make money from the unfortunate pain of others.  Maybe it is.
However, I find that pink makes me immediately understand that woman (or man, if he happens to wear pink) and feel empathy and sympathy for her plight.  It makes me feel a kinship of sorts with her.....another woman who has been through the awfulness and has come out the other side....or is still struggling......or knows someone who is struggling and wants to do something, anything, to help.  Helping could mean as little as wearing pink.
All I know is that when I see a women wearing pink....as I did yesterday....she had a pink shirt, pink shorts, and a pink hat on.....I see another person struggling.  And I feel closer to her.  And I can relate to her.  And she feels like a part of me.
Pink can be good for something.  If only to make us more aware.