I have a question........

If "we" are so sure that "everything happens for a reason" then why do we fight what IS? Do we think we are smarter than God?

I am so tired

When one is "aware" then they know that complaining is nonproductive. So, I TRY not to complain. Today my boss told me that I need to work on my attitude. This from someone who constantly allows my co-worker to carry around a bad attitude and speak to him in ways that consistently amaze me. So, at lunch I went to the treadmill and started walking and trying to get in touch with my inner self. The self that is aware of why she is doing the things that she is. It is my conclusion that I am tired. So, following are facts - not complaints - and they are my feelings at the present moment.
I am tired of driving 2 hours a day to hear nothing but complaints. I am tired of driving two hours a day to work to drown in the amount of work given and then have more requests heaped upon me. I am tired of driving two hours a day to work to have people tell me that I should just be glad to have a job. Don't you think I know that? Mostly, I am tired of driving two hours a day to work and miss that two hours a day with my family - even if my family consists of only my husband and 4 dogs.
When I started reading A New Earth and then subsequently moved on to researching Buddhism I reminded myself that when I found out that I had cancer I promised myself that I would have a lot of fun in this life. And when things were fun anymore then I would move to something else. I am just not having fun anymore. And because of that I am irritable and angry and do not like myself much. Whatever that means.
Anyway, in this economy it is a lousy time to look for a new job but I feel I must. Fun is the most important thing. "Living" this life is the most important thing. Being aware and living a good spiritual life is the most important thing. It ain't happening right now. And I HAVE to get back to it!