I don't care for antibiotics

I have been saddled with a side effect of the antibiotics that were given to me so I have stopped taking them.  I guess I need to go back to the doctor but I doubt I will unless symptoms of infection return.  They made me itch so bad.  I bet I can count on one hand how many rounds of antibiotics I have taken in my life.
So I have to hope that my infection....whatever it was....doesn't come back.  I swear if it isn't one thing it's another.  The devil is in the details.

To the doctor I went.

So finally went to the doc this morning.....actually saw a nurse practitioner.  She looked in my ear and said that while it didn't look completely normal...go figure, something with me NOT normal....it didn't look infected either.  She noticed that my face was swollen in front of my ear and said there is definitely some infection there.  So she gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way.
So I get to work and immediately Google "swollen face in front of ear" and find out there are several lymph nodes there.  Hmmmm....so as you can imagine I am thankful that lymph nodes are doing their job BUT....you knew there was a but coming....any swollen lymph node in a cancer survivor is scary.  And with the lethargy and dizziness and headaches....you can hear my brain whirling out scenarios, can't you?  Why do I always go to the dark place?  I didn't do that before.

Headache

I have had a headache for almost 12 days now.  Non-stop headache.  I have been nauseated, dizzy, lethargic and overall unwell.  I was taking Ibuprofen like it was candy.  But I stopped and am now just dealing with the pain.  I don't know if my emotional un-wellness is contributing to my physical un-wellness or the other way around.  I generally feel like crap on a stick.  I laid around the house all weekend.  I don't have the energy to clean my house....thank God for my hubby.....and I just don't feel like doing anything.  I am beginning to wonder if I have been bitten by something?

Another BC support group meeting

Now that is more like what a BC support group meeting should be.  There was a speaker and when she was done they went around and everyone talked about their treatment or how they were feeling or that they were having surgery later that week, etc.  So I talked.  And cried.  And felt stupid.  And felt like a Debbie Downer.  And felt bad for the two ladies there that are just getting ready to start treatment or have surgery.  I probably scared them to death.  And afterwards I had several women come up to me and hug me and give me sympathy and not tell me that it will "all be alright" but rather tell me that they are there for me and understand me and that's its OK to feel the way I feel.  They were so kind.  And as always you hear of someone who has it worse.  And it helps put things into perspective.....until you leave...
I am so tired.  I have said it so many times but I can't tell you how tired I am.  I need a change in job, house, scenery, something.  Tom feels he needs a change too.  It's not a great time for us to move as both our mothers are getting up in years....his more than mine.  However, each of them would have support from another sibling if we did move away.  I just know something needs to change for me in some avenue of my life.  Then I hope I can stop being so tired....maybe...

Trying again

I will attend another BC support group meeting tonight.  I'll report back to the class about this one.  Hope it goes better than the last one.

Fear of Recurrence

If a fear of recurrence becomes overwhelming or begins to interfere with your quality of life, a member of your health care team can help. The following are signs that fears about cancer may be a problem:

• Any minor aches, coughs or headaches bring a strong fear that cancer has recurred.
• There is an unwillingness to rebuild and return to a full life due to fears.
• Recurrent is a constant worry.
• Thoughts about cancer recurring happen before you go to bed at night and the first thing in the morning.
• There are long-term sleeping problems (more than a few weeks).
• Little or no appetite continues for days.
• There is no desire to spend time with friends.
• There is no interest in continuing usual routines.
• There is an inability to concentrate at school or work.

If you experience two or more of these feelings or are depressed for more than two to three weeks, it is important to speak with one of your Health care providers.There are treatments and medications that may help you deal with these issues.

Oh, if only I could lose my appetite!  So, I have 6 of these things....guess that means I need to seek professional help!  I should have been doing that for years!  LOL!

In all sincerity I have decided to try a different BC support group and if that doesn't do it for me then I will have to find a professional.  And it needs to happen before I get fired as I have next to no desire to do anything....at work or at home.  Please say a prayer that my head gets right soon!

My first breast cancer support meeting

I’m not sure what I expected when I attended my first breast cancer support group but I don’t think that was it.  I did like the devotional and the opening prayer.  I did like meeting new people that have been, or are going, through the same things I have been through.  I did like the lady in the back of the room that smiled the entire time as she updated the group on her Stage IV diagnosis and that even though she just started getting her hair back it will be gone again soon as she starts her 3^rd set of chemo.  She inspired me. 

Do you sense a “but” coming?  While everyone was nice I felt like most of the ladies were there to discuss the upcoming banquet and BC conference and yard sale.  It seemed if you weren’t going through treatment then you didn’t speak.  And no one spoke of how they were feeling, handling things (other than the physical demands of chemo), how their spouses are handling things, etc.

Where’s the emotional support?  I could get what they had going on at any group meeting where fundraising is discussed.  It saddened me that there were 18-20 women in the room there was no support.  I take that back……when someone mentioned that they had a scan coming up and they were anxious about it the moderator told everyone to pray for her. 

I don’t know if I will go back again or not.  I do know that I’d like to go to a support group meeting where I can feel the emotional support and not all the fundraising.

Just my 2 cents.