Hairless Head

As most of you know, or have seen, I am bald. I have mostly embraced being bald - I didn't wait for my hair to fall out totally - we went ahead and shaved my head before that happened - and for the most part I am OK with it. I have, however, decided to wear hats, scarves ar a wig to work and to the store, etc. I walk around bald at home some but even there I tend to wear a hat. And I know I have mentioned before that I am very vain. I saw Robin Roberts from Good Morning America walk down the runway in a red dress and a bald head and I applauded her courage! I read on the message boards about women who go totally bald everywhere and I am amazed. I thought, maybe, I could do that also. But I have yet to do it. For one thing, I see a bald head as “a billboard that shouts ‘I have cancer,’” which, of course, is true. And the pity looks that I get are a bit much to take sometimes. And it makes others uncomfortable. Is that really why? Or am I just afraid that people will think I am "less attractive" than I used to be? Maybe they won't like me anymore because I don't have hair? What am I so afraid of?
Baldness is surprisingly liberating. And I found that the reality of being bald was not nearly as bad as the anticipation of being bald - I mean it feels great! But where is the courage to show it? If its OK to be bald then why do I have so much trouble walking around with it in your face, so to speak? The hot flashes make me want to remove me head covering and the people that work most close to me have seen my bald head and they don't care. But I will not walk from building to building or even department to dept. without covering my head! A woman in the break room today asked me why I don't just leave the hat behind and go bald? She saw me tugging at the hat (I was probably having another hot flash and was sweating to death) and said that she thought if she were going thru "it" then she would most likely go bald. But then she said, "But then you never know for sure until you go through it." My husband's nephew spent the night at our house last night and I was concerned that he would see me bald walking around my own house? What is wrong with me? Why do I not have the courage? Where can I pick some up? I struggle with this every time I look in the mirror.
I told my friends when I found out that I would lose my hair that I didn't think it would bother me. I lied but I didn't know that I was lying until recently. I never knew that when I look in the mirror at my bald head that it would bother me as much as it does now. I keep telling myself that it is only temporary. And then I see people whose hair is so gorgeous and I just want some hair back!! Any hair on my head would be a blessing.
OK, enough. I'm OK. I just had to get that off my chest! It will grow back and be better than before! I have to believe that!
Thanks for listening. And its OK if you don't know what to say. Speak to me from your heart but don't inundate me with platitudes about hair and how great I look without it. I know the truth. Just laugh at it with me. Because if I don't laugh I may cry.