The Blues and allergies

Well, I have the blues again. I am so overwhelmed with the magnitude of everything that I am facing, have faced, need to get done, etc, that I feel like I'm losing my mind. In addition to that the allergens in the air are bothering me more than ever before. So, I am extra tired (overdid it this weekend in the yard also) and now blue on top of it all. The overwhelmed feeling is what's making me blue. I mean I am ecstatic to have completed chemo (AND NEUPOGEN) but now moving on to the next phase I find myself surprisingly sad. I really think it is thinking about what is next and wondering how it will affect me and feeling like nothing that I need to get done is getting done and.......blah, blah, blah. I know....same stuff, different day. I guess I am feeling post-partum blues without having the baby. Hmmmm, strange analogy, huh?
Poor Tom has had to give me more pep talks than ever. I feel sure that he is just about sick of me and my whining. It's always something - my back hurts, my head hurts, I'm so tired, etc. I asked him how long he thought it would take for me to feel normal (human) again and he said he thought as long as a year. That saddened me also.
So here I am sad and sniffy (allergies). This cancer thing is a constant battle between feeling yucky and feeling OK - not much feeling good - a few times but not many. The side effects seem to be cummulative and therefore they are "piling on" me at this time. I cannot imagine being Stage 3 or 4 and knowing that there is no cure for what you have. And that's another thing. I have triple negative breast cancer which has a higher rate of recurrence and is typically more aggressive. But everyone who is a survivor says that the worry will go away with time. I'm ready for it to be gone.
So, there it is for all to see. I am strong but today I feel very weak. Maybe this feeling is short-lived. I sure hope so.