Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Bilateral Mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction.....

Let's see if I can explain what this is.  They opened my breasts up, scooped out all breast material and then opened up my tummy and scooped out the fat there and moved it up to the boobs.  Then formed mounds, attached blood vessels, etc., and then closed up boobs. 
I went in the hospital on Thursday, 2/16 and surgery began around 7:30AM.  I was in recovery by around 6pm that night.  Stayed in Surgical ICU until Saturday at around 1pm and then was moved to a regular room.  I was on liquids from recovery until lunchtime on Sunday and went home right after lunch on Monday.
Hardest part so far has been:  no pooping and feeling bad because of it, lots of pain where drains are, emptying drains and the smell, getting up and down off the toilet without using the arms for pushing, and generally feeling like "What the hell did I just do?"
Last night I cried for the first time.  I had teared up but never really cried before.  Before surgery I kept giving over my fear to God and then snatching it back like I could do a better job with it.  I know, "Doh!"  But God is forever doing special things for me that I either don't recognize or don't understand.  And He always puts people in our lives at the right time.  While awaiting surgery several people came in and spoke with Tom and I but it was only when Stella came in that I finally handed the fear over to God and left it with Him.  I'm not sure what it was about Stella but she felt like she was from God Himself.  That was when I teared up.
But last night was the crying.  I cried and cried and cried.  And it actually made me feel better and stronger for it.  And today has been a good day.
This too shall pass and I know it.  I will have good days and bad days as all people do.  I'll try to post what's happening.  Thanks for letting me vent here.  It really is cathartic.

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