Still waiting for something or other

A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks.  I have seen so many doctors I am beginning to have "white coat syndrome".  I have had a sentinel node biospy that didn't take a node.....interesting how that was explained to me.  I have been told that I need chemo and then told that I don't need it. 
And now I am waiting for a date for surgery.  I have settled on a bilateral mastectomy with a DIEP "free flap" reconstruction.  The surgery will last around 8-12 hours and I will be in the hospital for around 5 days, two of which will be spent in ICU.  Then 6-8 weeks of recovery.  I plan on taking my time getting back to work.
It sounds rough but I am pretty strong and have alot of faith that God will take care of me during it all.  Now we just need to get Tom healthy enough to take care of me.
Life is what happens when you're planning other things.  Peace.

If the cancer doesn't kill me the waiting will!

Since finding out I have another breast tumor that is confirmed to be cancer I have been wrestling with where to have the surgery, etc.  Went to UNC because Tom really wanted me to and liked the surgeon and other docs and nurses that we met.  Dr. Amos, the breast surgeon, ordered a CT scan for me to rule out cancer in the lungs, liver or brain.  Bone scan was clear!  I had the CT scan on this past Tuesday and it is now Friday and no one has called me with the results.  I emailed one of the ladies that has been helping me with my FMLA paperwork and she forwarded the request to the nurse who takes care of such things.  When I didn't hear from her then I called the Surgery department and left a message for Dr. Amos to call me and let me know the results.  Still nothing.
How hard is it to pick up the phone and say "All clear, Wendy"...which then leads me to think that it might be bad news and they want to give it in person instead of over the phone?  Aaarrrggghhh!!!

And here we go again?

Had yearly mammogram yesterday and they found another mass.  So I have to go get it biopsied on next Tuesday and should have to results the next day.  Last time I was scared and now I am pissed!  I do not want to go through this again.  I can't afford to put on more weight, be out of work....and I don't particularly want to lose my hair again....even though I know if grows back.....I'm just mad!

Writing and miscellaneous ramblings

First, there are only 24 more days before our trip to Costa Rica!!! I am so looking forward to having the time away from responsibilities and work. I am looking forward to doing new things that I've never done and pushing the limits of my fears. I used to live my life afraid to do so many things. But having breast cancer has changed all that. I am much more eager to jump in to new experiences and I don't worry what might happen anymore. Whatever is going to happen WILL and I have really no control over it. So LIFE, bring it on!
I went to see the new movie "Hereafter" this past weekend and enjoyed it very much. After I walked out of the theater I could not get it off my mind. If you truly believe that everything in this life happens for a reason then there really is reason to enjoy this movie. We are all intertwined in a cosmic dance and the thought of that is so exciting. I recommend you see this movie.
I have decided to try my hand at writing. I am no longer afraid to make this attempt. I am looking forward to putting some of what goes on in this mind of mine down on paper. Who knows if anyone will find it interesting, humorous or entertaining but I'm going to do it anyway. I look forward to see what the world has in store for me in the arena.
I crave change. I have always been that way. I like to move furniture around and make the room look different. I like to plant different things and then move them if they would look better somewhere else. I think change is healthy. I mean I don't want to change my husband or anything like that but I do crave change of some kind. I crave different work, a different place to live, different meals at Christmas and picnics, different places to go on vacation......anything that gives me a push to renew my spirit. If change doesn't happen often then my spirit becomes stagnant and I become apathetic. I hate that about myself.
Today is a beautiful day! In fact, today is the day the Lord has made....rejoice and be glad!

The Book of Awesome

I had been feeling a little blue so I decided to buy "The Book of Awesome." This book is about reminding us that the little things in life can pass us by if we don't take notice. And these things can truly be very small.....popping bubble wrap, the cool side of the pillow, the laughter of a child, etc.
Each day I get in the shower and the first words out of my mouth are "Thank you, God, for this day." But its sad that I have to remember to notice that my life, while not perfect, is pretty damned good. Sure, we all have our "stuff" to deal with....right now there is a building layer of dust on several surfaces in my home and my bones ache more than they should for a 47 year old woman......but remembering the good stuff will help the hurt stop hurting.
As I read further into this book I am sure that I will be posting more about it. We've always heard "Stop and smell the roses" but until I got cancer I never really got what that means. I do now and I challenge anyone reading this to remember to do the same.
Life really is good. Find something good about yours too.

Bad hip......

Only a person who had cancer before would actually be glad to only have torn cartilage in their hip! I was so worried.....yes, I had worried myself into a tizzy.......about the return of the "beast" as it is called. Come to find out there is a problem but it is not life threatening. Although if you think about it just living is life threatening. Anyway, the MRI showed a torn labrum in my hip. Will go find out how bad it is....unfortunately it will NOT heal on its own......and then decide what to do after that. Just another thing. I told my husband that he got a lemon and that I must have been made on a Monday! Come to find out I was born on a Sunday!
Relief has overwhelmed me once again. One day "it" will leave my mind. That day has yet to come. It is my greatest wish that one day pain and suffering will be no more. Thanks for listening.

More Hip pain

Just took an 800mg Ibuprofen. Was sitting here at work and my hip was aching so badly that I wanted to cry. I'm now waiting on pain med to work. Last Saturday I went to the 5K Susan Komen Race for the Cure in Raleigh. Sunday I paid dearly for it. What is wrong with it? Went to GP and he gave me a Prenisone taper (which I very reluctantly took - hated it and put on weight because of it) and ordered an Xray. Xray showed nothing.....zip. So after taking the Prednisone poison and it not helping I have asked Onc. to schedule an MRI. Tumor markers are fine. All blood work is fine. Something is wrong with my hip.
MRI is Monday, 6/21. I am so afraid that it will show nothing.......or show something. Either way I just want to know why my hip bothers me all the time now. And the pain has moved around in the hip. It was on the side only.....then moved across the front toward the groin area.....then around the back toward the buttock. My lower back aches sometimes and my sciatic flares sometimes also. But it all hurts....sitting, walking, standing.......all the time.
Just want to know what the issue is so I can begin fixing it. Pray it isn't mets.