I've decided its too hard to be good. I will try my best but am not going to beat myself up if I have a beer or mixed drink every once in a while. Cancer will return or it won't. I will not live my life in fear of it. Instead I will live having as much fun as possible while trying to do cancer fighting things.
I want to talk about Buddhism. As I read "A New Earth" the author spoke of Buddhism so I became intrigued. I started reading about it and was surprised at how little I knew about it. First and foremost, it is NOT a religion as much as it is a path to peace. And in my quest for enlightenment I have decided to give it a chance. Its funny that a couple of people saw the book on my desk at work, and even my husband at home, and they were surprised and even a bit concerned for me. I suspect it is that they don't know much about Buddhism either. They are most likely misinformed as I was.
Anyway, I am intrigued to the point that I want to visit a Buddhist Center in Raleigh, NC. I find that searching for peace and enlightenment is not the way to find it. The way to find it is to SEE what is already here. Most people are so busy looking for that THING that will make them happy that they fail to see what they already have, are, etc.
If reading about Buddhism gives me peace then that's OK. Don't worry I won't turn radical because peace has no enemies. Peace is about seeing the good in all things. I am trying and some days it is easier than others. But I find that I am a much easier person to be around. Even for myself.
Much love to all who have been with me through this and all parts of this life that I live. Thanks you for your love and well wishes. I wish for you nothing but peace.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Hi Wendy!
It's me Laurie. I've read your recent blog entries with much interest. Its seems that you and I struggle with the same issues. From trying to enjoy all the best that everyday life has to offer (including not-so-good habits - like drinking to relax) and "cancer-encouraging" foods like sugar, white flour etc. I tend to go to extremes. After reading Anti-cancer I drastically changed my diet to include as many chemo-preventive foods as possible. Its a chore! I gave up alcohol for brief periods of time. I was obsessed however and felt very guilty when I was not doing EVERYTHING I could to do prevent a recurrence. I take comfort in reading your opinion on the importance of living life for today and not being the "perfect" cancer survivor. I too love a few drinks each day. Alcohol has been a part of my life for a long time and has brought me countless good times that might otherwise have been spent in worry and turmoil. But the downside is my guilt each time I look at my son. If cancer returns I will blame myself for not being perfect in my choices. UUUUGH! It is so hard sometimes!
Wendy, I am happy to read that your checkups bring good news. I'll be heading in for my 9 month checkup in January. I too have a high rate of recurrence in the first few years. I'll be seen every 3 months for 3 years then will graduate to every 4 months in year four. Yuck.
I am struggling with panic attacks lately, at work. Started seeing a psychologist last week. Hoping to get to the root of my fear because I don't panic during other parts of my day.
Boy I've written a book. Please just know that I think of you often. You are an incredible writer and give me alot of comfort reading your words.
Love,
Laurie
Post a Comment