Feeling better

Spring is always my friend.  When the buds open and the flowers bloom, when the bees buzz and the fruit starts to bear.....it makes me feel renewed also.  I have made a decision that I am tired of worrying about this.  I'm tired of feeling bad, sad, etc.  The sun does help.  And spring most definitely helps.
I am feeling much better.  Be gone, cancer!  Out of my body and my head!  Yep, feeling much better......

Doctor

Follow-up appointment with Oncologist today.  Blood work looked better but still out of normal range.  Just going to follow up with blood work again in 3 months.  He said he didn't think another scan now would be necessary.  I didn't push the issue.  Not sure why I didn't push it but I just let it go.  I am tired of worrying about it but know that it won't ever really go away.  Just need to learn to live with it.
Hope spring helps me out of the doldrums.  Going to try to start walking again at lunch too which should help.  No idea........

Crying and weakness

Last time I cried was in August, 2012.  Before that was probably February, 2012.  Before that was probably a very long time.  I HATE to cry.  It gives me a headache, makes my face look funny, my eyes puffy, and doesn't really solve anything.
I cried last night.  And afterwards all I felt was weak and stupid.
Every time I feel like I am digging out of this funk......I don't.

Another wait and see.....I hate this!

PET/CT scan done 1/21/13.  Came back with three things to "keep an eye on".  One mildly enlarged lymph node at the base of my neck (7mm)......been there about a month...I noticed it.....but it isn't too big.  Two mildly enlarged lymph nodes in my abdomen (1cm each)......will watch but I'm pretty sure they weren't there at the time of my last scan.  And small sclerotic areas on my left femoral head (left hip)...they think these are bone islands which are benign but will watch it too.
So, anxiety abounds.  Don't know if I should be concerned or not.  If doc is OK with waiting then maybe I should be too?
Ugh.

Time for more scanxiety

I went through the time line and the good news is that it has almost been a year since I was diagnosed with a return of BC.  The bad news is it is almost time to go through all the scans again.  That creates a tremendous amount of anxiety....which we have dubbed scanxiety.  It will have been a year since my bone scan so I will have to have another one very soon.  Same for the CT but since we did one in September for a possible pulmonary embolism after surgery we may wait on that one.   I see my oncologist on 12/18/12 and we will decide when to do the scans.  The bone is where the most folks get metastases if they get them at all.  That's the one I am most concerned with.  Well also the lung.  That would suck to get it in my lung(s).
Here's hoping for a calm Christmas season and a very Happy New Year!

I saw beauty.

We went to the Grand Canyon and there are no words to express the Beauty that I saw there.  It made me know how small I am.

Oh well, HELL!

Every time I start feeling like I might be coming out of the funk something happens to pull me back in.
I am still having the headaches but I THINK that it is coming from me gritting my teeth at night.  So I need to get some mouth guards to see if that will help.  Now my shoulder has started bothering me.  It's always something.  And now every twinge is the cancer coming back!
The shoulder is on the right (side of BC) and it aches so bad, especially in the morning.  It seems to dwindle in pain during the day but every day for the last 4-5 days it has hurt so bad that I have had to move my mouse pad to the left side and let the shoulder just hang. Hard to type or write this way.
I am scheduled to see my onc. in December and in January it will have been a year since a bone scan so I think I will request he schedule one for me in January.  If this continues though I am going to have to put my arm in a sling.  Two week rule now in affect.  If it lasts that long then it probably means something is really wrong.
I am 99% sure it is not BC...it's that 1% that bothers me.