My new favorite book

Yes, more from the "Dancing in Limbo".

"This is grief, and it is running parallel to our daily life.  When we are grieving, we feel beside life, not really in it.  We eat but do not taste the food; we sleep but not well.  We go through the motions of love and work and play, but we are barely there.  Even worse than feeling half-dead are the silent secret moments when we think we are going crazy.  In grief, feeling crazy is the norm.
Ultimately, our task of survival is to go on about our lives in the full knowledge that we are scarred, visibly and invisibly.  We are mortal, and we do not control our fate.  And with it all, we are infinitely grateful to be alive.  The capacity to grieve our loses is essential to our recovery and to our humanity.  Although that grief feels like hell, it is the heart of limbo and the beginning of our dance."

This book interviews several cancer survivors about their feelings and one gentleman talked about feeling good and strong 27 days out of the month and the other 3 days he felt like death was on his doorstep.  I get this so well.  For the most part I feel good about the fact that I am cancer free NOW and that is all I can really hope for.  But it's those nagging thoughts that creep in and change my focus.

It is awful to feel guilt for surviving and grief for what I have lost.  But everyone has lost something in their lives.  One thing I have learned from this book is that I must, MUST, give myself the time to grieve what has happened.  I have to feel and let it be.  Only then can I start letting it go.