The New Normal

I listened to a lady yesterday as she told me of her experience with breast cancer and going through chemo.  She asked me when I was going to start chemo and I told her I decided against it this time.  I think she thought I had lost my mind.
I read through breast cancer forums and sometimes post.  I posted that I had decided against chemo this time and received lots of feedback about that being a bad decision.  Who really knows if it is a bad decision or not? 
I read today that post-menopausal women who drink more than 3 alcoholic drinks a week, and are overweight have a 34% higher rate of recurrence.  Oh well.......that seems to be me.  And it came back.  Hmmmmm......something to this?
Since I have refused all additional treatment other than surgery I sit and wait.  My new normal is to wait for "IT" to come back.  I have to say the first time I had cancer I did the same.  And slowly the cancer faded from my mind every minute to only sometimes.  I hope that is what happens this time also.
I told my mom that I am pretty sure that the beast will be what kills me.  I'm not trying to be maudlin....just realistic.  And it's OK because we all have to die of something.  But then I could get hit by the infamous bus tomorrow too.