Dancing in Limbo

I am reading a new book entitled, "Dancing in Limbo".  I knew this was how I was feeling but didn't know how to put it into words.  Here is an excerpt that will allow me to explain the way I feel now after having gone through cancer for the second time.  (I also felt this was the first time.)

"Lost in Limbo - During treatment, our focus is narrow and clear:  obliterate the cancer.  When the job is done, we lose our focus.  Suddenly, cancer no longer defines us - restructuring our time, consuming our energy - and we are at loose ends.  At the same time, all the people who have cared for us go about their business, leaving us to do ours.  We are alone.
As we resume our daily lives, we feel disoriented.  Something is amiss, but we don't know what it is.  Most of us have no enery; some of us are irritable and depressed.  Fears of a recurrence start creeping into our thoughts.  Simultaneously, real life with all its mundane urgency demands our attention.  We are overwhelmed by the smallest things.
......for months I did not want to wake up.  Whatever the day might bring, I did not feel up to it.  I remember wanting to rip the phone from the wall.  Everytime it rang, I felt assaulted.  Someone was wanting something more from me, and I had nothing left to give.
In addition to our disorientation and depression, we begin to experience more anxiety.  Our moods may vacillate between confusion and fear.  Fear of recurrence begin to dominate our thoughts, and we may sometimes feel obsessed with death.  These are the fears we have to hold in check.  Now that we are stronger, they can emerge.
Just when we expected to feel relieved, we don't.   The irony is painful:  we thought that this would be the easy part!  We may assume our feelings are the aftermath of treatment, and in a way we're right, but they have a deeper source.  The reversal of expected feeling states is the hallmark of survivor grief, as yet unrecognized by us.  For the moment, we are lost in limbo.  And we're lost, in large measure, because our defenses are still  in force, keeping us removed from our inner life of thoughts and feelings. 
Survivor's grief is a paradox.  It seems wrong to grieve when we got what we most wanted - another chance at life."

Only makes sense to those who have faced death.  I am a mess.