Tears and fears

This is the only place where I can tell what I truly feel.  And for anybody reading this it must be hard to read.  For that I am sorry.  But I feel I must unburden my soul somewhere.
I just met another woman who is plagued with the beast.  And I am at work so I refuse to cry here.  But I just want to cry.  This is so wrong!  It is an epidemic whose time has come to be fixed!  We have so many smart people in this world and yet 1 in 8 women get the beast and they don't have enough data to kill the beast?
She thanked me for being a "soldier in the fight" and for being "strong".  It is a ruse!  It is a facade!  I am not strong!  Right now I am a self-involved mess!
My faith is still strong.  I know that God has a plan.  And it is better than any plan I can come up with.  And His way is perfect!  And I know that courage is fear that has said its prayers.  And I do pray.  But I pray for the others who deal with the beast....not me.  Am I resigned to death from the beast?  Am I going to be a self fulfilling prophecy?
What is wrong with me?