Self Fulfilling Prophecy

I’ve often wondered, as many of us have, what caused me to get cancer?  And then, what caused me to get it again?  I wondered if women that had cancer and then immediately moved on from it and were able to put it out of their minds ever had to deal with it again? 

The first time I was diagnosed I took it in stride.  “Ok, this happens to some folks but I will beat it and not have to worry about it again.  After all, the odds are in my favor.”  And then after treatment I waffled.  “Maybe it will come back?  What’s that pain?  Was it there yesterday?   My hip hurts now….I must have bone mets!”  And on and on.  And then after a while cancer left my mind….slowly but surely.  The farther out from diagnosis I got the better I felt.  “OK, that was my bump in the road but all is good now.”

And then….BAM!  Again…diagnosed again!  And now, even though treatment is over I still think about cancer all day, every day.

I believe that God hears all prayers.  I believe that God doesn’t MAKE bad things happen.  I believe that because God gave us free will that he ALLOWS bad things to happen.  I believe in miracles.  I have faith but I also know that bad things happen to good people.

So, is my cancer a self-fulfilling prophecy?  I had, for years, said that I thought breast cancer was such an epidemic that I knew I would get it sooner or later.  Did I wish it on myself?  And then, because I thought of it so often after the first diagnosis, did I bring it on myself again?  And now, that I am thinking about it all the time again, will it come back again?  Am I completing a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I’d be interested to know how many women that survived their cancer and kept going and put cancer out of their mind….how many still were diagnosed again?  Does a PMA (positive mental attitude) help anything?  The brain is a powerful organ.  Can it keep you safe?  Or can it help you suffer?  Musings of a crazy lady.