I hate this disease.

I have been thru this before so I kind of know what to expect and how to feel about what is happening to me. I have a co-worker who just had a partial mastectomy and now has 8 months of chemo and radiation to look forward to.  My heart breaks for her.  You are plugging along thru life and then one day "BAM", your life is never the same again.
In some ways it can be better if you open yourself to what having cancer can teach you about life and the things that are really important.  It can make it worse because you never feel safe again.  You are always looking over your shoulder waiting on cancer to strike again.  Even if you let it go and live your life free from worry the nag of it never completely goes away.
So, here it is again for me, my co-worker is suffering from it, and really we all know someone that has had it.  It is the beast.  I hate the beast.

Still waiting for something or other

A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks.  I have seen so many doctors I am beginning to have "white coat syndrome".  I have had a sentinel node biospy that didn't take a node.....interesting how that was explained to me.  I have been told that I need chemo and then told that I don't need it. 
And now I am waiting for a date for surgery.  I have settled on a bilateral mastectomy with a DIEP "free flap" reconstruction.  The surgery will last around 8-12 hours and I will be in the hospital for around 5 days, two of which will be spent in ICU.  Then 6-8 weeks of recovery.  I plan on taking my time getting back to work.
It sounds rough but I am pretty strong and have alot of faith that God will take care of me during it all.  Now we just need to get Tom healthy enough to take care of me.
Life is what happens when you're planning other things.  Peace.

If the cancer doesn't kill me the waiting will!

Since finding out I have another breast tumor that is confirmed to be cancer I have been wrestling with where to have the surgery, etc.  Went to UNC because Tom really wanted me to and liked the surgeon and other docs and nurses that we met.  Dr. Amos, the breast surgeon, ordered a CT scan for me to rule out cancer in the lungs, liver or brain.  Bone scan was clear!  I had the CT scan on this past Tuesday and it is now Friday and no one has called me with the results.  I emailed one of the ladies that has been helping me with my FMLA paperwork and she forwarded the request to the nurse who takes care of such things.  When I didn't hear from her then I called the Surgery department and left a message for Dr. Amos to call me and let me know the results.  Still nothing.
How hard is it to pick up the phone and say "All clear, Wendy"...which then leads me to think that it might be bad news and they want to give it in person instead of over the phone?  Aaarrrggghhh!!!